


Travelling

by NeverGrowUp



Series: Translation Fanfic [Korean to English] [1]
Category: H.O.T. (Band), SECHSKIES (Band), 젝스키스
Genre: 1st gen korean idol, Actually tony from H.O.T, But comeback last year (2016), Fluff and Angst, If today was 90s they won't ever exist because fans, Late 90s idol, M/M, Move on from Past-relationship, Omg i dunno anymore, Please people notice them, Post-Break Up, Sechskies jjang, This is really very underrated ships, bitter sweet, i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 08:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11939805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverGrowUp/pseuds/NeverGrowUp
Summary: "After a break up, go to the west sea.""... What?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [여행](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/319554) by RYAN (chaxi159). 



> This is an english translation from korean fanfiction, there will be a little bit difference on story template between english and korean story.
> 
> Credit to; RYAN (chaxi159) http://blog.naver.com/chaxi159?Redirect=Log&logNo=220781868331

“Why did someone come to the ocean in winter?”

 

Jaeduck asked Seungho and sat beside him. Seungho glanced back at Jaeduck’s eyes and openend his mouth, said.

 

“Well you too, why did Gyongsan-do person come to the west sea?”

“I live in Seoul, and it’s close to.”

“…I see.”

 

Seungho held his head slightly and kept silent. Though the southwest wind is in the sea but the shining waves of the sun were beautiful, so they gazed at it with fascination. Then he unconsciously said to Jaeduck.

 

“I broke up with my girlfriend.”

“Heh, it’s just like me.”

“After my business succeeded, I knew that my lover cheated on me. So, I’m willing to break up and set my heart once again.”

 

It wasn’t very painful, tho. _I just thought that something is empty. Even if I try hard, it was an old believe that one would be unreliable. I very much in vain that I wanted to fill something up inside my heart, so I decided to come to the sea just like what I saw in drama. I didn’t expect anything, but the sea makes it somewhat better._

 

Jaeduck listenend to Seungho’s story and opened his mouth.

 

“What do you think about gay people?”

“…People can love other people… some of my friends are like that. I don’t have right to reject. Why?”

“My boyfriend had an affair with a woman.”

“....Ah.”

“I don’t know he is bisexual, I’m so exhausted because I’m a wet-blanked for him, so I just let him go.”

 

Jaeduck giggles at that. From Seungho views, this man who just broke up just same like himself, and it hurts to see. _It_ left nothing behind the vanity. This is what misery loves a company is.

 

“Would you like come with me?”

 

Hearing Seungho suggestion, Jaeduck locked eyes with Seungho instead of gazing at the sea. Then, after awhile looking back at the sea again he thinks about it for a while and he laughs, as if he already answer to the question. However, the two just looked at the stormy sea for some time. After a while, Seungho who notices the sky is getting darker, soon get up to get some food to eat. _I’m starving_. He said that to Jaeduck. With a slight chuckle, the latter rose along with Seungho.

 

-

 

Unlike Jaeduck who rode a bus, Seungho drove his own car, and then they decided to continue their travel with Seungho’s car. Having been surfing the internet with his phone, Jaeduck asked him to stop by the kalguksu restaurants nearby. Seungho turned on the navigation and drove the car without a word. Jaeduck too, he just looked at the scenery outside and said nothing.

After they arrived at the kalguksu restaurant, they ordered a room in the corner of the place; ordering two servings and two bottles of soju. Jaeduck stared at Seungho in silence. Then when his eyes met with Seungho, he smiled.

 

“Why?”

“Nothing, I think you're a good people, why don't you let your girlfriend wind-up like you?”

 

Seungho laughed. Well, he wonder if he’s a good guy too. He doesn’t really know. _Maybe it was because_ _I_ _lacked of something? What if_ _I_ _wasn’t enough?_. Bad thoughts crept in on their tails. Seungho still spoke to Jaeduck in a calm voice.

 

“It’s not the girlfriend fault. I’m at fault too.”

“Uh, maybe.”

 “You know that, right?”

 

Seungho then hurled over the kalguksu that just arrived. Jaeduck nodded. By the way, Jaeduck wobbled the kalguksu and threw everything into the dish and put them in the mouth. Actually he didn’t want to eat kalguksu or anything, but he feels the emptiness in his stocmach. And now, in fact, he feel a little bit better.

 

Those two people who ate kalguksu, served each other with a cup of soju as if they already promised to each other to get drunk together. Jaeduck feel hot after getting drunk in the warm weather. The man told seungho about his ex with a gentle voice. He says he can’t believe it.

 

“Ah, it’s so funny.”

“Whyyy?”

“I don’t know you’de be doing that with someone you meet for the first time.”

 

Seungho also said to Jaeduck that he has few grudges against his ex. Jaeduck also agree with him. Two bottles of soju were almost empty. Jaeduck grinned bitterly at his drink.

 

“You know, that’s the way it’s, but isn’t a big deal...”

 

Jaeduck tried to swallow the bitterness of soju, mumbled words come from his lips. _I gave him my first time. It was really painful, but i didn’t care about it. That’s the first time I've given it to him, but it’s like taking it and sticking it off._ His lips was weight down with emotion after said it. Seungho didn’t speak anything. _I just wanted to wipe my tears away. My self-consciousness. My pity. And maybe..._

 

“... that.”

 

The destiny is inevitable, _I don’t believe it. I just want to say this is a coincidence_. By accident, not necessarily by chance...

 

After drinking the last cup, Jaeduck was crying. _I know i’m sorry, but I hate this tears, I felt bitter and sore. I felt empty, but I thought it was okay, but I just wanted to say something. It serves me right._

 

“Let me hold you.”

“We don’t even know our names.”

 

Seungho touched the tears that dripping softly on Jaeduck' cheecks and laughed slightly. In fact, he wanted to cry himself. It hurts. Seeing this person crying makes him feel sick.

 

“Still, does it work?”

“Nowhere else.”

 

By any chance, _I feel in love with you knowing nothing._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains smut....... the translator feeling lost, and embarrased so she'll be doing rough translation

“Ah... oh my gosh. Seriously.”

“Why?”

“... It’s warm.”

 

Though still with a wet voice, Jaeduck’s voice was far more stable than before. Seungho moved his arm deeper into Jaeduck’s arm. Jaeduck buried his head in Seungho’s arms.

 

“It’s not just warm, it’s _that_ warm.”

 

Seungho agreed with Jaeduck. Even from this petite person who first saw who he’s, he felt warm. A sickingly warm from a beautiful person. It was a wound that was marred by scars, but it was more regretful and heartbreaking.

   
“Jaeduck-ah.”

 

When they were on Seungho car, Jaeduck told his name and age, and Seungho also told him that too. _I thought he was a little young, but i was one year old than him. Either way is fine. Yes, literally, i feel like i love him because i never seen it. Is this compassion? A sense of identity? Or really..._

 

“Seungho-hyung.”

 

Jaeduck called Seungho with his tearful voice. _Yes,_ he answer him a bit, _with_ ‘ _Seungho-hyung, Seungho-hyung_ ’ _he calls me a few times._ Jaeduck who seemed already used to called him _Seungho-hyung_ a few times, went out of his arms and looked up at Seungho with his eyes. As he sneered like before, and wrapped his arms around Seungho neck and back. Then he pulled him and kissed him.

 

 _I was afraid. Though it was only once, it was a great fear for me to give myself up to someone else other than my lover_. But, ironically, there was something more than compassion, sympathy and something else about Seungho than the fears in him. Jaeduck wanted to confirm it. Afraid but he wondered. Do you think it’s true that such a thing as a lie, like the one in movie, exist?

 

“At this moment,”

“...”

“Can you love me, please?”

 

 _I’m well aware that it’s nonsense_. With a weird sound, Jaeduck laughed bitterly. _I know that the insincere answer will come true. However, i hope that the answer is_ yes _, and i hope it will be_ okay _. Then i thought i’d know. To end of this unknown feeling._

 

“..Jaeduck-ah.”

 

Seungho soft voice shook Jaeduck. At the end of the day, it seemed like tears would fall without end. Slowly, Seungho kissed Jaeduck on his face, lightly kissed his lips and buried his head in Jaeduck’s neck. Seungho spoke in a trembling voice.

 

“It’s really weird, you know.”

“....”

 

Jaeduck bit his lips at a slightly unexpected answer. Tears welled up on his eyes. Even with a little move, his tears will fall into Seungho’s hair and neck.

 

“Then, I want _that_ ”

“…Eh?”

“to get loves like that.”

 

Seungho whispered softly and bit Jaeduck’s neck. Feeling hot, Jaeduck groaning lightly and felt increasingly the uneasiness while he feels the other part of his body. However, he felt overwhelmed by joy.

 

“I want to ask you, too.”

“What…?”

“At least for once. Please call my name. You can still think of that person. But, for once please call my name.”

 

Seungho asked Jaeduck to pulled off his sweater. Jaeduck nodded his head. Strangely enough, he couldn’t remember _him_. Even though he felt guilty about knowing it, it wasn’t about another feeling that he wanted to dry out his feeling about unrealistic emotions.

Seungho asked Jaeduck to unbottoned his shirt. With his small hand, Jaeduck released the latter shirt carefully. After his shirt already taken off, Seungho removed Jaeduck’s pants and briefs off his legs, kissed him slowly and relaxed the tension. Jaeduck, who was shaken by the unfamiliar feeling of unfamiliarity, was freed by repeated caresses and accepting the affectionate caress from Seungho.

 

“Ah... wait... heuuh...euu...”

“Shh... it’s okay... don’t be ashamed...”

 

_I was thankful for Seungho who cried but caressed me at the same time. It was sweet. What I wanted was this. Even when doing this kind of relationshp, I really wanted someone who cherishes me and cares for me, and I wanted that kind of behaviour. But that person not. Rather, that person just played with my desire to just doing that._

But, Seungho was different. _It seemed to me that i felt compelled to feel the pain as much as i could to find myself responsive to the same level of satisfication_. Thanks to him, he makes this so unrealistic.

As he inserted one by one his fingers into Jaeduck, one fingers into two and tried to relaxed the tention on Jaeduck’s body. Then Seungho smeared the lube on his cock quickly before he inserted it to Jaeduck as slowly as possible. Jaeduck grabbed his neck and uttering a painful moaning.

 

“Jaeduck-ah, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Hyung... euug... Seungho-hyung.”

“Hmm, hmm.”

“I love you.”

 

Jaeduck grinned with tears moistenend his eyes. Seungho also laughed when the latter laughed. It’s so funny. Very funny. This is pointless. What is this. However, we’ll break up after one day, but _I don't know_. It’s a first sight. It seems like fate. _I don’t believe that..._

 

“... me too.”

 

Well, maybe not. It might sound like bullshit to someone who just meet for the first time and try to love each other’s wounds. _In fact, I don’t believe myself, and you can’t believe yours too._

 

Seungho Slowly began to pace up his speed in the latter’s arse. Jaeduck’s bubbly erection is come out with _ahh, haah_. He feels stable and elasticity. He felt Jaeduck will come out soon, and from time to time the latter called his name. Seungho restrained himself as much as possible.

In fact, he never seen anybody like this before. Rather, although it was hard but it’s somewhat a lof ot fun, so he didn’t care if this is a great deal of experience.

But Jaeduck was different. He seemed to burst into tears, and he seemed to cry like a broken blanket. Funnily enough, i was excited and delighted to see Jeaduck body reacting to the softness of me.

 

“Jaeduck-ah... Duck-ah...”

“Hyung, Seungho, ha....! heuu... Seung.... Hyung...!”

“I love you... I love you, Duck-ah. Jaeduck-ah.”

“Heu, ah ah...!... don’t leave, please don’t leave. Don’t throw me away... please don’t...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and very inappropriate to translated into english ( LOL I LIED IT'S HARD FOR ME CUZ i’m shy actually, FUCKING SHY) i'm okay reading smut/heavy smut/etc but translating that.................. I'M EMBARRASED
> 
> ;A;
> 
> sorry


	3. Chapter 3

“I love you... I love you, Duck-ah. Jaeduck-ah.”

“Heu, ah ah...!... don’t leave, please don’t leave. Don’t throw me away... please don’t...”

 

At the end of it, Jaeduck wept in Seungho’ arms. It was not like he never felt a warm. However, _this_ warmt like proving to himself that he’s loved, that makes Jaeduck cry again.

It’s what Seungho feels when he embrace Jaeduck. _I had never felt like a little baby bird, maybe to give a better look to myself and to be able to caress someone, but i feel like i’m not being loved by someone else. I felt sorry for myself for yearning for love. Rather, I wanted to cling to myself_. At the end of the night, they had to leave each other, _but i didn’t want it. I wanted to live in peace like this. I wanted to love someone. I love you much that i fill the hole in the hear of my heart._

 

“Haah... eu...eung...”

“Just sleep. I’ll clean it up.”

 

Jaeduck who tried to open his heavy eyelids, shut his eyes when Seungho spoke to him. The latter grumbled i love you’s for someone.

Who do you love so much. Who do you want to love that much.

 _Who is you love so much while I only love myself. I want to fill the whole in my heart._ Seungho though that he would like to be love like that, too.

 

-

 

Seungho woke up by the movement near his face, the latter delicate hand brush gently, leaving a tempting to the end. When he openend his eyes, Jadeuck who was in front of his face and watch him closely come into sight. Seungho looked at Jaeduck and touched his face. Seungho, who stroked the latter with his thumb, spoke softly.

That eyes, is really pretty.

Jaeduck blinked his eyes by the sudden comment. He looked like a pure child who lifted the blanked and blinked with the snow. It was lovely. It’s indescribeable. _Could i love this one in a day?_

 

“Hyung.”

“Hmm?”

“Waist... it hurts a lot.”

 

Jaeduck blushed from ear to ear shyly. _I can’t hear you asking me to wash it, although it’s not in your whisper voice_ . Seungho didn’t even ask him if he was so much in pain, when he begun to got up, he fell down he knew. Then Seungho began to gently pull Jaeduck’ waist.

 

“No, euh... It’s... it’s okay...ah...”

“I’ll massage it so it won’t hurt. I guess i won’t go home properly.”

Jaeduck quitely closed his mouth at the end and come to the bed to received a massage. In the mist of that, his groaning sounded ashamed, holding a blanket and enduring the sound of being in pain as much as possible. After giving massage, Seungho walked into the bathroom. While filling the bathtub, he arraged Jaeduck’s clothes in front of bathroom and then he headed to Jaeduck, who still unable to move in bed.

 

“I’ll wash you. Although i don’t wash myself well.”

“.... is it the second times...  i’m grateful but it’s a pain in the ass.”

“Just because... it’s the first time... the water almost filled up.”

 

He did so, but Seungho wanted to put another word. Forget about one thing that doesn’t have to be so thoughtless, and beat around the bush. However, his emotion seemed to be extremely light. it seemed as light as when Jaeduck muttered saying that he loved him meaninglessly.

Feeling sluggish, Seungho comeback and headed back to the bathroom. After comfirming that the bathtub was filled with water, Seungho went into the bathtub with Jaeduck inside. It was a bit narrow but i was enough to wash.

 

“No... No, wait a minute. I’ll do it alone, i can.”

“I’ll take care of you. It’s only for a day, tho.”

“...”

 

Jaeduck thought _“It’s only one day”_. Yeah. It’s only one day. No, there isn’t even a day left. After all, _I won’t see you when i finised this trip_. Funnily enough, in the short time he was giving too much heart to Seungho. Unconscious love. Don’t cry over spilt milk. _I was dumbfounded. By my own’s feeling._

 

“It’s only one day... like you said.”

 

Jaeduck spoke quitely to Seungho who washed his back. The thought of the beautiful scenery of the sea was dashed. And _I_  hope that this water stream will contune to flow.

 

“It’s really fun... i liked it.”

“....”

“I depend on you a lot. Although it was a short moment.”

 

The sound of water on his back stopped. As the wather was slightly submerged, he heard a drop of water dropping.

 

“I won’t forget it. Ahn Seungho... Hyung.”

 

Drip, drip. Seungho didn’t say anything when the water dripping like a bells. _I couldn’t do it._ _Yes, i don’t know the consequences. This is too short and fun, but i wonder why i am so emotionally affected._

The water ran again. This time, there was a loud whine. The sound of Jaeduck’ whine was buried by the dripping water from shower Seungho used. And for a long time, he washed the same place continuously.

 

-

 

“Are you really okay?”

“Oh, it’s okay. Yeah, it’s gonna be hard for me.”

 

Seungho offered himself to drove Jaeduck home and as he got out of the car in front of his apartment, he made a gesture of defiance. Seungho said to lift the window of his apartement so he’ll know that he already arrived. He waited for Jaeduck to get inside the apartment. However, Jaeduck still standing in front of the car for a long time. Why is it so stupid that it has very long to bid bye. Jaeduck laughed and knocked the car windows.

 

“Why are you not going.”

“I want to see you off. You?”

“... Hyung i’ll go if i see you go.”

 

After Jaeduck’ words, Seungho and Jaeduck face each other’ without saying anything. _It seemed that i’ll have to do something i regret._ Both of them thought so. A silly fellow. We’re just like that. It’s really stupid. I laughed. You too.

 

“I mean, i’m just saying that.”

“...?”

“You know my house, please don’t come.”

 

After saying that to Seungho with tears on the bridge of his eyes. Seungho  loked at him with a slight surprised. Hah, a gentle breath comes from the latter.

 

“It’s only one-night stand. I feel thank you for you,... but i don’t feel like seeing you again.”

“...Duck-ah.”

 “Don’t call me that either. Thank you for drove me. I’m tired, i’ll going in.”

 

 Jaeduck turned around and ran to the front door of his apartement. Seungho’ gazed was followed him from behind. Seungho sighed deeply after Jaeduck went into the apartement. His voice was trembling, his pretty eyes and his nostrils were red. _Shouldn’t we have to listen to both parties?._ He fell on the streering wheel and began to fall into deep agony.

 

“...I should doing a little bit of stalking.”

 

There was something warmth rolling his face.


	4. Chapter 4

"...."

“Hi.”

 

Holding his lips tightly and carefully, Jaeduck looked at Seungho who greeted him from inside the car.  He was concerned about what happened. Don’t come so far, _i’ve warned him not to come_ , but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work. No, it’s already third days since they eat together. Jaeduck tiny figure was stiff. Jaeduck, who was gazing at Seungho face with his pretty eyes, he took a bite of his food and went down the road. Seungho’ car didn’t follow him. But, that was more worrisome. Isn’t it normal to follow him? _No, no, no, I tell him not to come to me_. But, why don’t you try to come to me.

 

“...Ahn Seungho...”

 

Someone who resember himself in a short while. A person who’s thirsty for love and wants to give love. No, maybe…

 

“Are you crazy..”

 

Jaeduck muttered to himself. _I wanted to avoid it_. It’s been a while since he got hurt, but nobody is afraid of being attracted by it. And even though he cheated from him, he felt so sorry for being honest with _that man_ so easily. He felt ashamed of himself. _What’s make me think he’s different from that guy?_ That’s what he thought.

 

-

 

Seungho finished his work quickly and left the company. All the staff greeted their young boss with puzzeled look. He’s the boss, who always keeps his time on, although he got a girlfriend, he’s going to leave the office with a happy look. It was _that_ look. It was all good. _I’m on my way to meet you again, Jaeduck._

 

After arriving in front of Jaeduck’ apartment, which was not very far from his company, Seungho got out of his car and didn’t think he’ll doing anything like this. Then he realized feelings of emotion towards his old girlfriend. _I spent a single day of life to chasing a deeply carved memory._ And I wanted to see him again. After all, the conclusion that comes to his thought was that it was worth if he wanted to see Jaeduck again.

 

 Speaking of the devil, the familiar small figure of man was walking around in the alley. He leaned forward and looked down at the sky, then looking at the ground and he moved on to the read where Jaeduck was passing by. Jaeduck who walked in slow moving and head downs, arrived in front of Seungho and he looked-up to the latter’ face.

 

“Why are you limping?”

“I step on…Oh, it’s not...”

 “What a good heart.”

 

At a moment of silence, Jaeduck looked at Seungho with a flushed red cheeks. _I told you not to come._ He avoided looking at him. Seungho looked at Jaeduck without saying anything. Jaeduck also thinks it’s very an awkward silence, the looks towards the gate of his apartment. Seungho openend his mouth and said.

 

“I’ll be here every single day until you show me the truth.”

“No, I don’t…!”

“I read people well.”

“…. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“If you sincerely reject me, you wouldn’t be able to talk to me in the first place.”

“It’s not polite to not say anything to people… it could hurt them…”

“You right.”

“….”

“But, why do mind about people’ wounds?”

 

After hearing Seungho’ question, Jaeduck took his breath away and shut shut his mouth. Then Seungho looked at Jaeduck and said that he would come here every morning. And Jaeduck stood there for a long time, as if he had been nailed to the spot.

 

-

 

‘What did I lack?’

‘It’s not like that.’

‘Then…’

‘I’m just fed up with you.’

 

It’s not cool thing, I was hoping while watching at you speaking with your usual voice, that you’d play a joke like usual. I laughed at your farewell like it’s just a lie.

That makes non sense. Do you ever like me? In my life, I always love you, you know…

Your lips that spoke the reality, although I want to denied it. It was cruel. It felt like everything was falling apart at once. With a trembling voice, I asked

 

‘... You slept behind me… Like that?’

‘There’s something like that.’

‘Crazy…’

‘Aren’t you too much? Let see, I don’t have a time to love you, so I thought I had to do something.’

 

There was a nasty smile on your face when you laugh foolishly and said nothing but rubbish. What a crazy bastard. I’ve never been too easy to give away my first love. When I jump out of my chair, I laugh a little bit and you look at me. With little sympathy, from the sight of your eyes, that can’t be described by words.

He couldn’t hit the table, so he kicked the chair in front of him. He was quite surpised that the man sprawled to the floor with the chair. That’s good. When he learned dancing, he also learned about martial arts, yeah he’s good at learning new things.

Ignored the people attention around us, he kicked the man with his feet, the latter was surprised. Ugh. He looked at me while groaning and clutch onto his stomach .Ah, I look a little cooler.

 

‘I think I should be the one who dump you, which are why I’m sorry that I don’t know anything about you.’

'...'

‘Come again at it. Even though I’ve been dumped by you, I won’t say anything to your _baby_.’

 

With the noise of people surrounding us, I escaped the café. In the corner of the bus to my home, I buried my face in my bag and cried. Even when I went home, I still wept over him. It hurts. Even though I knew he was wrong, I knew it was so bad. Even though, I tried to stay cool, at least I did.

 

For what reason, I hold on to this pain. I couldn’t find the answer. Was it a pain for me because it’s the first time I get dumped? Was he feel guilty or sorry about did that to me? He didn’t know. That was makes it more frustrating. He’s crying and cried again. Tomorrow, he wished he could find the answer for this kind of pain. No, he wished he never in pain like this.


	5. Chapter 5

‘Deok-ah.’

‘Jaeduck-ah..’

 ‘Kim Jaeduck.’

 

 “Ah…”

 

I tried to wake up, reaching the sound who called for me. My whole body was wet with sweat. I didn’t turn the heater on. Jaeduck moved his upper body from bed and brushed his wet forehead from sweat. _Damn, I think I’m crazy._ Jaeduck muttered through his breath. It’s already three days. Tears come out of him from the unknown feeling. It was really hard. He wanted to lean on someone, but he couldn’t. _I can’t do that, yet._

He collected his heart, wiped his tears away by his hand, and then got out the bed. _I feel a little early but todayi have to go early and quickly clean up._ Then he took a shower and had a breakfast.

 

“….Ha.”

 

It was obvious he intentionally going out early, but for today he saw no sign of Seungho’s car. Then, why is he feeling disappointed. _Am I sad or depressed?_ It’s an episode of annoyance for him. His dreams are frightening, too.

There was a burst of irriation and hurriedly. Everything was irriating to him. Even the dream he had is too vivid, he’s too early to wakeup and he didn’t see Seungho today. Also, he’s annoyed that he didn’t see Seungho.

When he arrived at the academy, he cleaned up the floor, while played a loud song, and sing out of his heart. He teaches the student who come, but everytime he teaches them he felt very irritated and frustrated. Jaeduck was frustrated by the unrecognized frustration. After finished his work, Jaejin who watched Jaeuck all day long wondering what happened to the latter.

 

“You know, I don’t’ want to meddle into your business but you looked very stupid, okay.”

"...."

“What’s going on, actually?”

 

Jaejin shook his head after Jaeduck said nothing. What the hell. Jaejin asked him again. Jaeduck held his lip tight, avoided answering the question. He hurriedly left the academy while bids goodbye.

He wonders could it be that way. It might be a little get serious but if you want to ask yourself, why does anyone have to cares about someone else. It was so painful after break up. Yes, he left big pain. Everything was fine at the beginning, but he ruined it.

However, it’s not something that needs to end with anger and sadness. There was no need to feel hurt anymore. It’s been quite a while since he broke up with him, and he didn’t need to cry anymore. Moreover, he just missed the moment, and he never had such courage to hold onto that.

_After spend the rest of my life crying, I threw away everything when I went to the sea._

So, where’s the source of this frustration. _Maybe I know, but I want to avoid it. I wanted to pretend I didn’t know_. He often hurt himself over that. He wanted to resent that man with anger and compassion. Throwing away all fuss, except all emotion that remained.

But, what is the uncomfortable thing in the middle of nowhere? What kind of longing is he long for? He wonders what he is longing for.

Funnily enough, the excitement comes when he reached his apartement. It’s around the same time as usual, but Seungho wasn’t there. For a while, he felt disappointment and struggled with his own thinking. _Maybe there’s a night shift. He has his own life._ No, he shouldn’t be here anyway. _When I came here, I said that to him_ , _maybe it was all my lies._ It doesn’t matter, okay. After he thought that, his eyes started trobbing. He was angry at his own feelings. He pressed his eyes with gloves and headed to the first floor of his apartement building.

 

“Hey, You!”

 

After Jaeduck checked the mail box, he went to left the first floor but the voice of security guard of his apartment from his own office stopped him. Pardon? The guard waved his hands from the small window on his office. Are you Kim Jaeduck, right? Suddenly the security guard asked his name and he nodded.

 

“By the way, what happened… is there anything wrong?”

“No, No, someone told me his friend was sick, so he asked me to give him some medice.”

 

_'_ _I forgot to ask his number… I have to go work. Let me ask you a favour.’_

 

“I didn’t answer the interphone, because I didn’t at my office. Take this anyway. Keep the good friend, huh.”

 

The guard carefully took the package someone gave him carefully through the small windows. Thank…you. Jaeduck bowed his head and headed towards the front door. When he opened the envelope in the elevator, he found a cough medicine bottle, a ginger tea and everything else.

 _I was busy in the morning so I bought a lot of stuff._ Jaeduck felt his mouth lifted a bit and his heart fluttered. He feels stupid for didn’t see this coming, that man did waiting. _No, wait, I’ve been waiting for you too_. He felt sorry for Seungho when he went mad; he blamed him for the unknowable resentment on his thought, to get himself feel better.

 

“I… missed you.”

 

It’s funny, tho, he saw the latter yesterday, but today he missed so badly. _I don’t know where he lives, I didn’t know his phone number, so I thought if I couldn’t reach him I’d rather wait._ Jaeduck sighned and shook his head. _I feel thankful for your concern, but I told myself no need to think about it any further._

 _I didn’t have any appetite, but I feel sorry for skipping dinner and tried to got rid the pain Seungho gave me, I took a bite of the porridge the guard gave me._ There was a yellow post-it paste on the bamboo jar.

 

-Call me if it’s urgent-

 

There’s a scribbled phone number on the memo. Jaeduck hesitated for a moment. _I missed you. I wanted to lean on this feeling of entanglement. If I called, I could see him, and lean on him._

 

-“..Hello.”

 

The latter voice is heard over the telephone. Jaeduck swallowed his saliva. He thought when he called him; he can ask what the man was doing and why do you keep making things bigger? It’s complicated.

 

“So, Sorry… It wrong number. I’m…”

-“Duck-ah.”

 

Seungho not very surprised, but he repeated his voice, called Jaeduck in a calm sound. He wants the latter stop called him. _I have to hang up. I have to hang up._ Jaeduck become panicked. However, it was a long silence between them, as he didn’t answered Seungho.

 

-“What’s your apartment number?”

 

Seungho asked him. _What should I do? What should I do? Let me know to stop this_. Jaeduck pressed his lips. _No, why did I call you in the first place!?_

 

 -“Jaeduck-ah.”

 

Once again, when he was about to fall into the latter’ voice, he regained consciousnes. Seungho sighned briefly then remained silent for awhile.

 

 -“Kim Jaeduck.”

When Seungho called his names again, he comes up from within. Jaeduck took a breath. His breath was trembling. His hands trembled as well. He barely grabbed the phone and said to Seungho, who calmly waiting for his answer.

 

“It’s 1504…”

 

Jaeduck finally burst into tears with the end of his answer. He didn’t know why he was crying for. There was only sound of him crying. Seungho answered the phone with a short reply.

 

“I’ll come to you, now.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

‘Crazy bitch…’

-‘…Hyung.’

‘Stop it. Fuck off, Get lost from my eyes.’

-‘Hyung, please…!”

‘I might actually hit you for real.’

 

He cursed and hung up. He was madly angry. He didn’t try to calm his heart or cheer his mind. It was funny, tho. It was a great achievement for him to succeed in doing business and he loves it, and he was in love with her everytime he woke up in the morning. Until comes a picture of a man and a motel. It was not once or twice. Some of his friends told him about his girlfriend’s bad deeds while he spent his days working.

 

‘I heard it clearly. I heard it’s dangerous, so I said let’s meet up. Two years later, I thought it was crap.’

 

Actually it’s the ‘first time’ for Seungho to act ‘fake’.

 

After all, Seungho’ patience showed the limits, he called his lover and dumped his girlfriend. There is not such a great thing to crying. After all, the fact that he was work-a-holic, he poured himself into his work. Then he suddenly realized that it was nothing. At one point, he realized that his hole on his heart was just a hole in the middle; he didn’t feel it like a wound. It didn’t hurt.

 

But, it feels empty. He always loves someone and someone always loved him. There was such a fondness about liking someone, but it was a kind of terrible affection. He has always been used to love this way. He was scared while meeting people. He was afraid to get abandoned.

Nevertheless, he met peole, he loved them, and got hurt by them, and each time he wanted to believe that he loved them and they loved him was such a true love.

Then, there was came a lack of consideration. What will be left after fall in love? Eventually, everything will leave.

 

‘After a break up, go to the west sea.’

‘…What.’

 

He was forced by his friends to drink with them, he felt overwhelmed by his empty feelings. After being told like that by his friends, he took his time to spend the weekends and went to the nearby west sea. And then,

 

“Why did someone come to the ocean in winter?”

 

_And then, I met a man who was the same as me._

-

 

In fact, the feeling was something he had to be careful because he felt very quickly gets swallowed by himself. It’s been awhile since we had our own broke up, and it was easy and natural when we want to get involve with someone emotionally. However, he knows he can do that but Jaeduck tried to avoid it, meanwhile Seungho somehow confronted him. The reason was simple. Jaeduck is afraid, meanwhile Seungho despite his fear, he wants to be in love though he may be sounds stupid.

 

Jaeduck didn’t know what to do with the tears that were pouring out constantly. He just wanted to lean on. He thought that the pain after farewell, after he cried out will passed after the day, it was not. Not at all.

 

“Deok-ah…”

 

Despite the sound of his own crying echoed in his house, the sound of Seungho’ voice calling him from behind the door was clear. Jaeduck opened the door. Looking at Seungho, relief and anxiety come together into one. He shouldn’t like this guy. _Don’t, No, I just want to lean on…_

 

“…”

 

Seungho, who is cautiously entering the front door, after he passed the door, he hugs Jaeduck; he thought the latter is crying. Seungho was warm enough to soothe the latter. Seungho said, while stroking Jaeduck’s hair.

 

 

“It must be hurt a lot…”

 

At that point Jaeduck began to cry even louder. His crying sounds hoarse. Seungho held Jaeduck tightly. _You can cry. It’s okay to be afraid._ Hoping that the latter’ heart will be conveyed.

 

He didn’t know. At first, he didn’t know that farewell was painful and difficult. But it is. It’s painful. It’s very painful. It’s very hard. However, there’s no one he can lean on. No, it’s scary because it really is _. I called hyung but I don’t know what to do_. By the way, however, it was really harder for him, though he didn’t really want to be afraid of the latter. He like it, but he think it’ll change easily. He doesn’t want to do that. Being so light… but he likes the latter... It’s really crazy…

 

Although Seungho confused about what happened to Jaeduck, he didn’t say anything. He just tapped on the man back. After the time passing, Jaeduck who stopped crying escaped from his hugs. He wanted to scream for being shameful. He wanted to pick up on his feeling and told Seungho to take care of his feeling.

 

“Thank you… very much… for coming all this way.”

“I was talking to you before, right.”

“…Hmm hmm, forget about what I said earlier. I’ve been grumpy and upset since morning.”

“Why were you upset?”

“I didn’t see your… car.”

 

Without thinking Jaeduck said _‘I didn’t see your car’_ to him. Because he just stopped crying, it seemed that he completely can’t hide it. So, unconsciously, the unfiltered thoughts popped out of his mouth. Seungho looked down at him in silence. Jaeduck was avoiding his gaze. If he faced those eyes, for some reason he’ll admit what it’s been on his hear just like he said before.

 

Feeling awkward, Jaeduck said to the older man he could go if there wasn’t more to say. Seungho still wear his shoes, and after he removed it he sat on sofa in the living room. Jaeduck, on the other hand, was sitting on the other side of sofa, fearing that if it would end-up with an argument.

 

“I want to talk to you straight-forward.”

“Yes.”

“What I want to say is, you’re anxious right now.”

 

Jaeduck answered was hesitant and he loked at Seungho. With a firm look he said his firm responses; Jaeduck nodded his head in bewilderment. Seungho took a breath and spoke to Jaeduck again.

 

“At that time, I didn’t talk about myself properly…  But, it wasn’t the first time for me to have a lover like that. They used me, used my money.”

“…”

“But even before that, they already used me on that way. Used me as if I’m their doll, yeah sort of thing, though.”

“Are you… not hurt?”

 

Seungho was surprised by Jaeduck’ words, who asked him while blinking his eyes. Seungho Smiled bitterly.

 

“Of course I do… but I couldn’t stop it. I’m lack of affection, though. There must be someone next to me. I need to relaxe, but I feel uneasy.”

“...Still, It must be hurt…”

 

As soon as Jaeduck said that, Seungho smiled and openend his mouth again, this time with a bright smiles.

 

“But I didn’t say that I don’t want to love again."

“?”

“There was one person who looked overly similar to me.”


	7. Chapter 7

“There was one person who looked overly similar to me.”

 

At the end of Seungho’ words, Jaeduck tightened his lips. That person bears so much resemblance to him as much as what he already said. His pain and that person pain. Maybe they want to see each other by saving each other, by touched each other. By saving Jaeduck, Seungho is saved by Jaeduck who has been saved. To put it simply, Jaeduck is looking for stability, and Seungho seeks to stabilize that stability because of his ‘love’ for him.

 

However, Jaeduck still didn’t want to believe it. He wanted to escaped from here. He knows Seungho love, his favours and all the affection he has shown, but it’ll not last forever, and he knows that because he can. That’s why he was scared.

 

“… But I can’t picture it. Really.”

 

After Jaeduck said that, his heart was determined. It was terribly maddening, but he didn’t want to hurt anywhere else. Seungho sighed. He shouldn’t have hold onto such a person. It could lead them to a bigger wound.

Jaeduck showed his tears again after he finished speaking. He has to leave Seungho, which was warm for him for a while, who healed him. Because of he’s not ready, yet. It was a very short time, but his tears fall itself on the brink of Seungho’ memory, it craved so deeply. Seungho couldn’t do anything if the latter like this.

 

“If you’re really like that, then there’s no reason for me to be next to you.”

"..."

“Well, Deok-ah, by any chance, I just want you to be sure about what I’m talking about.”

 

Seungho breathe out a slight bitterness. His eyes got hot. His voice seemed to vibrate. Taking a deep breath, Seungho took his breath away and said.

 

“Just tell me you won’t forget about it… at any cost.”

 

Jaeduck nodded his head. _I will never forget you, anyway._ It’s very short but clearly, _I love you sincerely_. _I’d love to remember about you, about the first time we met._

 

“If there’s a next chance, maybe we’ll meet again someday…”

 

Seungho mumbled his words. Then he sat up and hugged him again, give a brief kiss on Jaeduck’ forehead, then left the latter home.

 

And then, those two were really distressed by their farewell. They missed each other for a long time. Although it was very short moment between them, but the time thehe spent together still rubbing onto their memories again and again. Rather, their memories about each other were more precious and beautiful than theirs with their former lover’s. It took them four years to forget each other totally.

 

-

 

“Ah this brat seriously…”

“If you’re here, you have to play. Win or not.”

 

Seungho looked at his friends with a smile on his face. He didn’t know if he has any problem with that. It was the same as usual, drinking; but today he didn’t have to do it at home. He attended a drinking party while being annoyed to soothe the feeling of broke up with a lover.

 

“Yah, Ahn Seungho.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Why don’t you say something?”

He didn’t even have a few drinks, but did he have drunk? As the world ‘old lover’ come along, things that come to his mind is ‘the old lover’ he has ‘that person’. A small body, small hands and feet, also those beautiful eyes, and that dialect on their voice. Although it looks a lot scary to still remind about that, a painful-like break up, but it’s too beautiful.

Actually, he tried to go to that place a few times, but he folded up his mind. It’s because that person was afraid of his love. He didn’t want to see him suffer. When he get drunk like this, he feel overwhelmed by his memories of seeing him sometimes. He can’t stand the reality.

 

"......-"

 

It’s really crazy. After four year later, his fragrance, which he remembers correctly, faded. He feels like he’s getting really drunk after drinking for awhile. When he heard his friend’s footsteps, he turned over his alcohol over his throat.

 

“Seungho-hyung…”

 

That voice, a voice that tickled his ears.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. THE TRANSLATOR SHY AGAIN.  
> UGH.  
> BUT.  
> I.  
> LOVE.  
> THEM.  
> THO.  
> ;_;

That voice, a voice that always tickles his ears. Those arms, which wrapped on his neck warmly, he felt the scent. He wasn’t insance. It’s real, it’s Jaeduck for real. He froze to death for awhile when Jaeduck called him with a voice like when they parted away four years ago. He couldn’t think of anything. It’s really an unrealistic situation, his friend asking him ‘Do you know him?’ and Seungho barely stood up, he’s kinda struggling.

 

 “I want to talk you for a minute.”

 

Seungho said shortly to his friend to be right back and drag Jaeduck to the restroom. It was still a slender wrist that he used to hold with his hand. When they went into the far end of the restroom, they faced each other; he notices that Jaeduck eyes were wet. Seungho is avoiding meeting Jaeduck’s eyes. Amusingly, Seungho is a bit angry. Why, Why it should been now? No, why did you appear in front of me?

 

_I’m barely forgetting about you._

 

“Seungho-hyung…”

 

Jaeduck said in a husky voice, he puts his hands on Seungho face. It must be hurt. That it would destroy you. However, you’ll break it anyway. _Then, I can’t push you out_. We can’t push each other out.

 

“Don’t hold onto me.”

"..."

“You have hundreds of chances to get away from me,”

".."

“Right now, it’s your first opportunity to run away from me.”

 

Seungho responded exactly to what he did four years ago. No, although the surface was same, but inside of him was different. _If I hold you back, you won’t be able to let yourself go._ It’s okay to get hurt. It can get hurt, anyhow. _However if my obsession destroy you, you can’t bear it._

 

“No.”

 

Jaeduck whispered. Though he was still tearful, there was something like a pleasant glow on his face.

 

“I’m not going to run away.”

“Kim Jaeduck.”

“I knew it’s you just by looking at your back.”

 

_At that moment, when I came into the bar because of my appointment, and found a suitable place to sit, I was able to get a glimps of you at once. I canceled my appointment and grabbed my courage with trembling leg, I headed to you. When I finally stood behind you, I decided that._

 

“I thought, I have to catch you.”

"...."

“Hug me.”

“Then, you can’t stop me.”

 

Seungho spoke with a tight voice from his lips. Literally, it means not just a simple hug, but he can’t stop to jump at him right away.

Jaeduck smiled faintly. Forget-me-not. Don’t stop.

 

-

 

He left his car at the parking lot and leaving his friend behind. He called taxi to go to the latter’s house. While they were heading home, they’re just sat in silence. Just holding hands and looking outside of the window. Both of them just thinking and looking.

As soon as Seungho opened the door, he caught Jaeduck’ wrist and hold onto the latter’s shirt. He saw a twinkle on the latter’s eyes, but it wasn’t close to tears. Their gaze interwined. We should do what we should do. Jaeduck entered the front door. He came back inside to where he wouldn’t be able to escape again. Seungho closed the door and pulled the latter back, and kiss his lips lightly. Then he wheedled his lips to Jaeduck’s neck. Uh, a wetness came closed to his groaning.

 

“Wait, Wa…Haah… Room…”

 

Jaeduck’ excitement was caught Seungho’s eyes. Seungho stayed on Jaeduck’s neck for a moment, then kissed his shoulder, and make sound of making out, then he come back doing that after he loosened the tie. Seungho touches the tip of the latter’ mouth after he said to followed what he did. Jaeduck took off Seungho tie and jacket, throw it away to the couch and then lead the latter’s to the bedroom.

 

“Ah, seriously…”

“Eung?”

“Because of you, I couldn’t turn away.”

 

Seungho smiled at Jaeduck. If he followed his own desires, it would certainly be painful to the latter, but that was too great to keep the desire away.

Whatever, he didn’t bother thinking, it’s gonna happened somehow.

Seungho laid Jaeduck to the bed. Suddenly, Jaeduck who fell completely on the bed looked at Seungho and when he caught a glimps of laughed, he smiled at him and gazed on the beautiful eyes. _I love you_. It hurts, although it’s crazy, but _I love you_. Seungho also laughed. Then, he continued what he did before. He unhooked the latter’s coat and found a tattoo on the man’s left shoulder.

 

“...Tattoo...”

“…So, I won’t forget.”

 

  1. It was Seungho intial name. Jaeduck avoided his gaze as if he was trying to ignore that his voice was trembling. Seungho hugged him. Without any doubt, Jaeduck also thought about the past four years. _I wanted it to stay on my memory, so I engraved those names 3 months later. Every time I took of my clothes, every time I looked in the mirror, I looked at the tattoo and missed him even more._ The one who he missed so much now is hugging himself.



 

 “Thank you.”

 

Seungho whispered. Jaeduck just nodded his head. Seungho then kissed Jaeduck on the eyes and also kissed him near his tattoo. Ha...Ah...Uh. Jaeduck who sensitively responded to the kissed moaning. Then he stopped his kissing near the clavicle, he bites up that part lightly and left a kissing mark there.

 

“Haeu, ah, That, That’s stra…nge…”

“I can’t help but wonder if you can’t go anywhere tomorrow.”

 

Seungho jokingly said that to Jaeduck who tried to provocation the excitement between pain and pleasure. After checking the red kiss mark he left on Jaeduck, he took his hand to his own shirt. He took off his own shirt. Then, Jaeduck followed him, carefully unbuttoned the shirt button with his trembling hands. At that moment, Seungho bites Jaeduck’s left shoulder.

 

“Heuu, wait, leave..it… again, ugh, It’s… it’s leaking…”

“Are you excited?”

“What… a man, of…word... Ahhakh…!”

 

After hearing Jaeduck teased him, Seungho bites the latter’s ear. Jaeduck tried to shrug it off by wiggling his shoulder. Aside from his fear and anxiety, Jaeduck actually is a person who full of himself. He seemed to be fragile and pure, but he has something suggestive from himself.

 

After checking that his shirt button had been pulled out, Seungho took off his shirt and threw it on the floor. Then he kissed Jaeduck again and again, then he looked the man who’s laid under him with his hand. Jaeduck jerked his body; he was unable to ber the excessive stimulation to his own body.

 

“Seungho, Seungho-hyung…”

“Lift your waist.”

 

Jaeduck slowly lifted his waist and Seungho stripped Jaeduck from his pants and underwear all at once. Suddenly the feeling empty in the blink of an eye; Jaeduck pulled the blanked while Seungho taking off his own pants, he feels a little embarrassed.

 

 “Are you shy?”

 “Stripped me off at once, you look like a pervert…”

 

He hid his face behind the blanket, after said those words from his mouth. After taking off his own clothes, Seungho removed the blanked and climbed again to the latter. He touched the apple of his eyes with his finger, and grabs the other’s fingers. The he asked him with a mixture of sincerity and curiosity.

 

 “How many times?”

 “Wh…at…?”

 “People you invite here?”

 

While he knew it was a question that will hurt him, but he wanted to ask that selfish question. He asked Jaeduck whose eyes filled with tears.

 

 “No- no one.. Akh..! Akhh…”

 

No matter what Jaeduck said, Seungho seemed genuinely delighted. He’ll ask him later, but at least Jaeduck didn’t see anyone like him.

However, Seungho didn’t know if he should believe that or think that Jaeduck for four years had been in some relationship behind his back. Even though, Seungho never had any relationship with anyone but the idea that the latter had someone other than him made him feeling sick. As he added another fingers, the groan from Jaeduck increasing. Also, he’s a little bit impatience when it comes to this.

 

 “…Can you lick me?”

 “Haah, Euh….”

 

Instead of using lube, he wanted the later to give him a head before he put its behind him, and he grabbed Seungho’s cock. Then took a gulp of Seungho’s cock—with that size, he nervously covered that with his saliva and licked it with his small lips.

 

Ah, Damn it.

 

Seungho moaned more like a sigh. That little lips and tongue licked his cock, and he was slightly irritated because of the ametuer skill the latter has. Before he reached his limit, he pulled Jaeduck head, Seungho put his cock on the latter’s arse, he rocking his waist and rubbed his teeth while rubbed the latter’s arse. Ahh! Jaeduck held the sheet, tightly clutching on the sheet. It was painful, but in showed pleasure when he was being penetrated. Seungho leaned down and embrance Jaeduck. Jaeduck also struggled to adapt himself to the pain by moving his arm around and around.

 

 “Are you… sure?”

 “Wha…at…”

 “No one can come here except me?"

 

Seungho asked Jaeduck while he was pounding on his arse back to back with pleasure. It was an amazing thing to easily penetrate the latter, he thought. No matter how many times he’d done it, he still can’t get used to this feeling. Jaeduck eyes and cheeks grew reddened. _Actually, there’s someone._ Jaeduck answered in between a wishper.

 “Who is it?”

 “Akh… akh..! it hurts…. Ha..akh…!”

 “I asked you, who is it?”

 

Seungho asked in a fiery tone, he’s jealous and angry. Jaeduck’s body shook violently. _It’s me. It’s always me who alone_. Jaeduck, who’s suffering between dizziness and pleasure, barely replied. Seungho realized how selfish he was. He tried to please himself with his own word. _Really? Are you serious?_ That left aside, he looked at the tattoo and touched it, made Jaeduck shivered.

 

 “Huuu., ahh!! Really, yaahh… ahhh! Hey, hey, ah… ah… ah… slowly…”

 

Jaeduck cried out Seungho name when his cock dashes his walls over and over again. It seemed that his head would burst into pleasure because of seeing white. He was so hot that he couldn’t feel himself anymore. At the same time, it was a satisfication. Whatever. He has no idea anymore.

 

 “Heu...ah…ang! Hyu...ung, hi…ihh… Seungho…hyung, Hu…uh…uh…uh, heuu, uuh…”

 “My name, said my name again.”

 

Seungho whispered to Jaeduck’s ear, when the latter’s tightening his walls to Seungho’s cocks. _Seungho-hyung, Seungho-hyung, Ahn Seungho,_ he cried that out. Warm tears poured over from Jaeduck’s eyes and rolled over to his ears. It was feeling of being loved and tears still falling from him.

Seungho wipes away the tears from Jaeduck’s ears. While looking down at Jaeduck, he changed his position and raised Jaeduck up. Jaeduck was only moang and groaning when he feels himself was being pushed and pulled.

 

 “Fa, Face… heuuuh, Don, Don’t…See…”

 

Jaeduck shyly covered his face with his small hands, Seungho grabbed the wrist and raised it before he pinned in to the bed. Jaeduck turned his head left-to-right as he whined with a groan. He trembled with an excitement. He was gasping for air, gasping for air to breathing.

 

 “Seung, ah, aahh, Seungho, hyung…! To, aahh… ge…ahh… ther… heuu! Ahh!”

 

Jaeduck rocked his waist without knowing, and begged Seungho. It wasn’t so different with Seungho, who called the latter’s name anxiously. With his last spurt he threw his arms around Jaeduck’s tiny body and moved his waist. At the end, both of them come together.

 

 “Ha… eugh… Seungho-hyung…”

 “Haa… Kim Jaeduck.”

 “Eugh…”

 “You, really, barking up the wrong tree.”

Seungho breathes out a sigh of relief and jokingly said that to Jaeduck. Jaeduck responded to Seungho with a long, drawn-out voice, he’s sleepy. _Dunno… Hyung, I love you._ Seungho smiled from ear to ear when he heard Jaeduck said that to him. Then, he gently strokes the petite man’s hair.

 

_That’s true._

 

_I love you too._

 


	9. Chapter 9

 “Hyung, let’s go on a trip.”

 

Jaeduck said to Seungho who was was reading a book, and he looked at Jaeduck. A Trip? Yeah, a trip. Jaeduck nodded his head. Seungho thought it was very out of the blue, but he quickly noticed something.

After the first time they met again, three months later Jaeduck moved to live with him. And now, it’s going a little over 9 months since both of the living together. It was nearly a year since both of the settled their relationship. Jaeduck wants to travel because he really wants to celebrate it.

 

 “Sure. Where do you think we should go?”

 “Hmm. It’s secret. I’ll drive.”

 “Eh? Then, where?”

 “Think it as a surprised gift.”

 

Jaeduck said in nagging tone to Seungho. Seriously. He just laughed it lightly. When he asks the latter when they’ll go, he said they’ll go on Friday. Jaeduck wants to plan something for their anniversary. Seungho is willing to do so. He replied that.

 

-

 

 “I know it’s somewhere, but give me a hint.”

 

He couldn’t stop questioning his curiousity to Jaeduck, and he eventually asked for that for an hour.

 

 “Nope.”

 

But he only received a firm answer in return. But somehow that voice was sounded somehow excited. How long has it gone? Jaeduck is driving the car. Stepping off the blindfold, Seungho threw away the blindfold as he waited. It was the first time that they go to the sea again after five years ago. Oh, what the hell. Seungho smiled while looked at Jaeduck. Jaeduck smiled at him when their eyes meet. A surprised gift. Jaeduck smiled and hugs Seungho’s arm. Yeah. It’s a real surprised. Seungho mumbled under his breath.

Both of them looked at the west sea on the winter. Withouth saying anything like that. There’s nothing change. It’s still cold, lonely and yet the waves of sunlight still invariably beautiful. Seungho put his arms around Jaeduck waist and pulled him together, and said.

 

 “It was really hard for me, those 4 years ago.”

"...."

 “I’ve never talk to you before, but its funny how hard it’s not to meet for a couple of days. However, I was very glad that you did it. Now, I’m really glad I din’t come here alone.”

 “So what do you want to say?”

 “I want to say I love you.”

 

Jaeduck interwine his hands behing Sungho. I do, too. The two looked into the sea. There was no conversation coming, but many emotions come along.

 

It was hard for me.

I do, _too_.

But, I’m happy now.

You know what, I’m so nervous right now. It’s true.

Why?

Can we be happy? I want to.

Don’t be nervous. We deserve to be happy, anyway.

 

Seungho took Jaeduck’s hands. Let’s go to the kalguksu restaurant like before. We got to the car by saying that to Jaeduck, and he thought it’s a good suggestion. We went to the kalguksu restaurant and we ordered the same menu as before; two bottles of soju and two servings of kalguksu. Everything was still same. Except for those smile on our face.

 

He ate the kalguksu deliciously and he didn’t get bored with it. Jaeduck said that Jaejin repeatedly delayed his lecture and his jobs, and he already complained about that by saying _you are annoyed me_. Seungho joked that he should be careful with backstabbing because of saying that. At the end of the day, Jaeduck said that he wanted to rest quickly.

 

 “Ah, it’s cold.”

 “It’s. Let’s go.”

 

They headed to the motel that wasn’t far away from the kalguksu restaurant. He felt like he wasn’t feeling like before, now he’s feeling shy. Entering the room with the key, Jaeduck jumped into the bed. Seungho said _clean yourself and change your clothes._ Jaeduck pulled out clothes from his bag and headed to the bathroom.

 

 “Hyung.”

 “Hmm?”

 “Are we going to do that, today?”

 

First of all, Jaeduck washed himself on the bathtub and buried himself until the back of his head, then asked to Seungho who still changing my clothes. He just laughed repeatedly, as if he was embarrassed by his own question. _I want to? Jaeduck said that I need to think it for a moment._

 

“Then, let’s not do it. Today I want to relax.”

 “Ey… yeah. Sure, tho.”

 

Jaeduck spoke unenergetically. _Right, I have to wash myself too._ Seungho kissed Jaeduck on his forehead before he went into the bathroom. It was too early for bedtime, so Jaeduck turned the television on. Then he started to watch movies, while leaning against a pillow.

 

-

 

When Seungho finished washed up, Jaeduck already asleep even though he didn’t take too much time in the bathroom. He turned the television off and sleeping next to him. He remembers when he first him five years ago. He smiled at those feeling of pain and alcohol, and he felt sympathy and love at the sight of the latter.

It was funny and ridiculous to think about that again. However, the intense emotion felt at that time was not just at the moment, and it’s not a lie. Although they only saw each other for a few days, he missed each other for a long period of time for four years. Then, from your own long journey, you arrived here next to me.

 

 “Jaeduck-ah...”

 “....”

 “...I love you.”

 

He shuts his eyes. Trying to sleep with sound of the other’s breath and closed to each other. The journey that was really long and cold is ended.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, thank you for reading :)  
> Please love Sechkies a lot!

**Author's Note:**

> Translation might be not 100% perfect (i'm barely passing TOPIK Level 1), it have flaws. Feedback please :)


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